What?What!

The other night, while I was cooking dinner, I got a call from my Durable Medical Equipment (DME) vendor.

"Hi," said the voice on the other end of the line, "DME Company will be coming by tomorrow morning to pick up your bed and wheelchair."

(A stunned silence on my part.)

"What?"

"We'll be picking up one hospital bed and one wheelchair in the morning."

"But I still have my cast on! I got the bed and chair because of my mobility limits with this cast on. You can't take the equipment back yet!" I don't know whether to panic or yell.

"Hmmm, we have an order from the insurance company to--"

"Who wrote the order?

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

The voiced paused. "You better call the insurance company."

"You want ME to call the insurance company?" I didn't panic, I yelled.

"Hmmm," the voice said.

I hung up.

When I called the Insurance Company, another voice told me that my file could not be found.

"Where is it?"

The new voice said, "Let us put you on hold."

I waited.

"Hello, we're sorry to make you wait. We found your file."

Considering that I've had coverage for the past three months, I figured this was a good thing.

"According to your file the person handling your case is Mike B."

Of course I've never spoken to anyone named Mike B.

"Can you transfer me to Mike B?"

"Please hold."

I waited. I listened to Beatles muzak on the line and waited.

"This is Mike B."

I explained the situation to Mike B.

"Yeah," he said, "according to you file, the Insurance Adjustor tried to call you twice."

"She may have tried to call me, but this time I didn't get a message and I didn't talk to anyone."

I learned that in the world of Auto Insurance, the Adjustor is a Supreme Being. She decides if my coverage continues or ends. No debate.

Mike B said, "You should call the Insurance Adjustor."

"YOU WANT ME TO MAKE THE CALL?!"

"Let me call you back," he said.

Mike B called me back a few minutes later to tell me that the coverage for the hospital bed had been extended for another month. Then he said, "The DME vendor will pick up your wheelchair later on today."

WHAT? I pointed out, calmly this time, that if I still needed the hospital bed, would it not follow that I would still require the wheelchair?

"Let call you back," Mike B said.

Mike B never called me back a second time. The only reason I founded out that my coverage was extended for both the bed and the wheelchair was because I called the vendor to give an update on the situation.

"Oh sure," the customer service guy said casually, it says right here on the screen that your coverage has been extended until November 20ieth."

I can only hope that by then, my cast will be off. Just wait until I tell the vendors, reps, adjustors and whatnot that I'M PLANNING ON KEEPING THE WHEELCHAIR.

So there.